Britney's divorce is none of our business (2024)

When will we stop fretting about women's personal lives and start engaging with their work?

August 17, 2023 4:03 pm(Updated 4:18 pm)

It’s been a big year for celebrity break-ups. First came Taylor Swift, who broke up with Joe Alwyn, her partner of six years, in February 2023, just after she had started her Eras tour. Then it was Ariana Grande – who, despite writing an entire album of anthems about how much she loved having sex with him, has broken up with the estate agent Dalton Gomez (it was announced in July, but they have reportedly been separated since January). And now it’s the star whose personal life has been obsessed over perhaps more than anyone else’s: Britney Spears. She and her husband Sam Asghari are reportedly filing for divorce after 14 months of marriage and seven years of partnership.

Predictably, the tabloids have swooped on this. TMZ broke the story, with the line that the couple “have separated after a nuclear argument that involves allegations of cheating”. Most major news outlets have jumped on the story, speculating about a lack of wedding rings and lawyers. It’s the public who are interested, too. There will doubtless be many people who are judgemental: this is Britney’s third marriage (though one only lasted for a view days before it was anulled), and many will eye-roll at the news that it’s fallen apart. But it is also natural to think: poor Britney. After all that – after she finally got to marry him when the conservatorship ended – she has to endure yet more pain.

But the fact is we know nothing of her situation. We cannot stop ourselves from having an emotional reaction – but any sort of comment or involvement beyond that is intrusive and wrong.

Our interest, of course, stems from our desire to relate to the people we idolise – if we are similar to Britney in our relationships, we feel a little closer to her in her status, success and singing and dancing abilities. But we have seen time and time again how excessive prying leads to ruined lives, with Britney’s own being the prime example. The onus of responsibility is of course on the media reporting on it – but it’s also on the readers, whose desire to read about it fuels demand. Could we just stop?

The cases of Swift and Grande are, perhaps, a little different, if only in the sense that their relationship history is bound up in their work. Swift’s oeuvre is littered with songs about ex-boyfriends, the real-life relevance of which fans love to pore over: “Picture to Burn” (2006), about her high-school boyfriend Jordan Alford, “Forever and Always” (2008) about Joe Jonas, “We Are Never Getting Back Together” (2012) about Jake Gyllenhaal, “Style” (2014) about Harry Styles. Though she has been critical of journalists focusing on her past lovers, Swift has also expressly talked about how her relationships provide much of her musical inspiration.

Similarly, Grande’s exes have inspired her musically (though to a lesser extent). On a famous line in her 2018 song “thank u, next” she lists them: “Thought I’d end up with Sean/But he wasn’t a match/Wrote some songs about Ricky/Now I listen and laugh/Even almost got married/And for Pete, I’m so thankful/Wish I could say thank you to Malcolm/’Cause he was an angel”. The use of first names makes fans feel close to her – as does, of course, the reference to Mac Miller, who died of a drug overdose in 2018.

However, none of this excuses the way the public has slavered over their personal lives, or criticised them, in recent months. Swift came under fire when she began dating 1975 frontman Matty Healy, who is considered by many of her fans to be “problematic” – a digression in her personal life was enough to make people question whether or not they still supported her career. Similarly, just after Grande’s divorce was announced it emerged that she was dating Ethan Slater, a Broadway actor who is currently playing Spongebob. His marriage also broke down; Grande was demonised as the “other woman” after Slater’s wife said she wasn’t a “girl’s girl”.

And when it comes to Britney, we are treading even more dangerously. This is a woman who wasn’t legally allowed to marry Asghari until just over a year ago because of the restrictive conservatorship put on her life by her father in 2008, which was removed in November 2021. She may now be “free” – but she is still subject to the media scrutiny that led to her breakdown, which in turn led to the conservatorship. Britney is essentially the face of tabloid overexposure – for the press and public to get involved in her divorce now is borderline cruel.

This is a vicious circle: as long as there are stories to read, people will read them, and as long as people want to read them, stories will be printed. But we have to try collectively to stop engaging with petty gossip and speculation about the personal lives of women we have never met, and instead focus on engaging with their work.